Goddamnit I am hooked on nicotine again thanks to this fucking Flum! I can’t even fucking deal!!! Just when I thought I’d left my crackhead vaping days behind, motherfuckers pulled me back in with this thing that literally looks like a whippit canister capped by a nipple-shaped teat. My oral fixation is high-key triggered, and I know I’m not the only one. The fucking Flum is high-key trending in LA right now—spotted everywhere from techno raves to AA meetings, and toppling old-hat competitors like Juul and Puffbar from the e-cig throne.
But as I sit here, sucking on my fucking Flum’s pink titty like rabid baby, I can’t help but wonder: why does this vape slap so hard? Like, excuse me, can we investigate the structural conditions that have catalyzed the sketchy rise of synthetic nicotine? Someone needs to figure out what demonic company is making this fucking Flum, and how it inhaled the US vape market overnight. And I guess that person is going to be me!